The main thing I’ve noticed is how much I see myself now. I don’t mean just physically, but emotionally and mentally.
I use to dread walking past a mirror, I hated the image I saw.
It represented so many negative things in my life. Childhood trauma, emotional abuse, mental abuse, lack of self – worth and confidence. Lack of self- love and forgiveness. Self- esteem was almost non existent. My trust in people and society was totally twisted.
I never really understood the value of the words self – love!
I had to relearn to love myself, to value myself. My weight defined me for so many years of my life.
The biggest road block I faced was that image that reflected back at me.
Bariatric surgery helped me to put that image in focus!
You get so use to allowing other people to control how you feel about yourself, about life, about certain situations and the choices you decided to make in reference to your life. You spiral into a whirlwind of depression and then you feel like there is no one there to help you out.
Then life itself rips you to shreds on the backend while you are already fighting so many battles on the front end. Advice from those close to you becomes little to none and unless you are dishing out your entire soul….. no one wants to hear anything. Everybody wants the tea but can’t stand to lend a hand or an ear. Letting people drain you becomes overwhelming until you shut down.
That smile tho’
I would always look at myself in the mirror and wonder if there would ever come a day when happiness existed. If there would ever come a day when I would love looking at the woman looking back at me.
Since having bariatric surgery I’ve learned to love, trust, and rely on me. Especially on the personal aspect of things.
When I talk about the reflection of self I tend to focus on me.
I am able to focus on me because I have an amazing support system between my husband and my children.
They make sure I get time outside, that I’m always laughing, they try to aide in me keeping my stress levels down. They are always constantly there and I love that. It motivates me to become a better human. I preach a lot of self love and self confidence to my children so I can’t not lead by example. This surgery was for me but bigger than me.
Everything has changed for the better and I am in love with it all.
Bariatric surgery is merely a tool. Literally you have to change your thought process, your eating habits, refocus your energy and everything. I understood the assignment and went in with every intention to come out and be different.
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