Talk about going through the motions

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After the birth of my 4th child in 2012, I had a very difficult time losing weight. I figured it was just because I was getting older and my metabolism was slowing down.

I went in for my annual. And the doctor asked โ€œwhy do you still have fat pockets under your neck if your daughter is 12 months? That shouldnโ€™t be there.โ€ I was like โ€œ ummmmโ€. Somehow this woman had it in her mind to make sure I knew that I was carrying extra weight. She suggested I get my thyroid tested.

Over the course of 3 years I got tested for everything that I could think of. Thyroid, Genetic disorders, hormonal issues, blood diseases, environmental factors etc. Trying to figure out what was causing the disconnect within my body.

There was this one time in 2015 where I went to an appointment and was told โ€œyour platelets are extremely low, you might have a rare type of blood cancer. Weโ€™re going to test and send off your bloodwork and contact you when we get the results.โ€ I thought I was dying for 2 weeks.

At the follow up for the bloodwork results I found out I didnโ€™t have blood cancer . But, In the same conversation was told that โ€œa uterine ablation will be my best advice to regulate your anemia!โ€

Hold up, What!?โ€ฆ

I just turned 30! Within weeks of each other you had me thinking I was dying from a form of blood cancer and now you want me to decide if I should basically sterilize myself, or take a birth control. Why do those have to be my options?

After 10 years of dieting, exercising, breastfeeding, and multiple lifestyle changes there wasnโ€™t much improvement.

2019 was NOT the greatest time of my life. My body began to constantly ache from the pain of the extra weight, being on my feet all day at work, you know mom life wife life is 24/7 so there was always something going on. The marriage was going through hella trials and gutter valleys, I was so emotionally and mentally drained I didnโ€™t care to find the motivation to do anything.ย 

I gave up!

On EVERYTHING!

After a very hard night at home I criedโ€ฆ.. I cried for days asking myself โ€œWhat was the point of everything? What was the point of life at that moment? Why was everything so hard? What did I need? What was I missing?โ€

I was going throughโ€ฆ..

I did a lot of self-evaluating and eventually came to the decision to start with me first. I took a couple of those internet test thingies, You know the ones that ask you questions like โ€œwho are the most important people in your life?โ€ & โ€œdo you feel comfortable whenโ€ฆ?โ€

I looked at the biggest flaw that I felt I had. The biggest issue I felt affected me the most. What could that possibly beโ€ฆ

Because of my weight I developed a lack of self-love, self- worth and confidence. To be honest I donโ€™t think I was ever taught or really developed those attributes growing up. But thatโ€™s another story.

Over the past 2 years, I discovered a lot about myself. Including the ability to understand childhood events that effected certain moments/changes throughout my life. I learned that self discovery is very important. Taking out time, care and love for yourself is a must. You donโ€™t realize how important 30 mins can be, how a 5 min break can reset your entire aura. How telling yourself that you are strong, and beautiful can boost your confidence so much. How taking a chance with something โ€œout of the boxโ€ can be life altering.

Eventually, I made the decision to have bariatric weight loss surgery.ย  I swear it was the best decision I have ever made.